Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Minus 9 and Counting

I know that most diets recommend you only weigh in once a week, but clearly I have self control issues other wise I wouldn't have a weight problem. So I've been weighing every morning. Today's weight was 266. That's down 9 pounds since Sunday! I am eating I promise! The diet plan I chose is sort of a modified Atkins. Large numbers are pretty typical in the first few weeks of low carb plans. I know it will soon slow down but I'm enjoying the success none the less. It definitely helps keep me motivated.

I'm adding in a workout today. I actually enjoy working out once I get into a routine. I grew up in gyms. My mom was a bodybuilder in the 80's and my step father was a personal trainer. They owned a gym, so I spent many many hours in the gym and am very comfortable with all the equipment.

It was hard growing up as fat kid with a fitness crazy mom( She weighed all of 90 lbs.). I always felt like she was disappointed in me. This eventually led to a lot of shame and sneaking of food. Honestly, even as an adult I have found myself sneaking food. Sometimes I buy a candy bar to eat in the car and I throw the wrapper away so that no one knows, I sneak a few bites of leftovers while washing the dishes, or buy junk food to eat when I have the house alone for an evening. I have no idea why I would feel like any of this was necessary, my family certainly wouldn't condemn me for anything I would chose to eat.

I am so done with all of that! I'm off to workout now. First song on my workout play list.....I'm bringing sexy back.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Motivation

I have major incentive for losing weight fast. I'm hoping to lose about 30 lbs. by March because I'm afraid my big fat butt will keep me from riding rides when my family goes on vacation to Universal Studios in March. My family thinks I'm joking when I tell them this but seriously....
My daughter loves all things Harry Potter and has been dying to visit the Harry Potter attraction at Universal Orlando. At first I wasn't worried because we have been to Disney several times and fitting on their rides has never been an issue. But as I began researching this vacation I read horror stories about "fat police" pulling people from lines and making them try to fit in test seats outside the attractions throughout Universal. I've read that the seats are narrow and that if you are unable to lock the harness down three clicks you are turned away, and that people as small as a size 18 are sometimes unable to ride. So now I'm scared. Not so much about not being able to ride but more about being humiliated and embarrassing my family.

A lot of people are angry at the park for making a ride with such small seats. I don't blame anyone but myself. I'm the one who has let my body get to this size. I'm the one who needs to change.

So no way will I get to my long term goal by March I have
way too much to lose but I can get a good start. I think 30 pounds is very doable considering the amount I have to lose I may even be able to lose more. Even if I don't lose enough to ride all the roller coasters, I want to know I tried my best.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Mini-goals

This is a major life change so I'm thinking small steps is the way to go. I can't expect to be a different person overnight. I've decided that rather than focusing on my long term goals, I should focus on mini-goals that I will set at the beginning of each week. Hopefully by taking things one step at a time I won't get overwhelmed and quit.

mini-goals for this week:

Track food intake

Limit carbs

No soda

Exercise 3 times this week

Keep up with this blog


These should all be doable right? The hardest will be giving up soda. Pepsi is my gateway drug.
I'll be checking in with updates on these goals and I promise to be honest with you and with myself about how I do.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Prep day

Today is the day before my new life begins. I'm not planning a major binge or anything like that. I will just eat as I normally do. I need to go grocery store and buy everything I need to set me up for success. One of my major stumbling blocks in the past has been lack of planning. So I have planned every meal for the next week and made a grocery list based on that as well as a list of healthy snacks. Like many women I find it hard to diet while cooking for my family but this time I have planned meals that can be modified for me without much effort.

My husband is thin. He's one of those eat anything he wants and lose weight while doing it kind of people. Luckily he loves me for me and has always been supportive and never made me feel "less than" because of my weight. My daughter, though she is in no way fat, isn't thin either. At 13 she is 5'2" and weighs 145lbs. I see a lot of me in her. She is very critical of her body and says she wants to lose 20 lbs. I want to set a good example for her and to help her avoid a lifetime of self loathing. That more than anything is my inspiration.

I will also be setting up an account on Fat Secret. This site lets you keep track of all of your food intake, exercise, and weight loss. You can also look at other peoples entries and recipes. I need to make a play list for workout inspiration and add a few workout videos to my netflix queue.

I'm sort of excited to get started because this time I'm determined to really change my life not just drop a few pounds or get into a smaller size jean. I'm also afraid. the thought of failure is scary. If not now when? What will happen to me if I am unable to change?

Beginning

Welcome to my journey. I'm starting this blog to give me accountability and reflection during my weight loss journey. Let me start by introducing myself.

I'm Jen. A 36 year old wife and mother of one. I've battled with weight my entire life. I was always what my mother called "chubby". I was placed on my first diet at 7 years old and have been on that roller coaster every since. I gain, I loose, I gain more, I lose a little. It's a vicious and exhausting cycle and I'm ready for it to end.

At this point in my life I feel like I don't have a choice. I currently weigh 275 lbs. I've been fortunate up to this point not to have experienced any major medical issues caused by my weight but sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time. I need to deal with whatever issues I have that cause my weight problem. I need to make myself a priority. I need to get off my lazy butt and do this!

My goal is not just to lose weight but to rediscover myself. It's amazing how much your weight can affect every aspect of your life. Sometimes I look back at photos of myself during my teens and early twenties, I was only moderately overweight then, and I see this happy out going girl with so much confidence and sass. I think to myself, what happened to her. I see so little of her in me now. Now I'm shy and avoid social situations. I always check the room to see if I'm the fattest person there. I'm embarrassed to meet new people for fear of what they are thinking of me. I know I have a lot of great qualities but I feel like they are all overshadowed by the fat. How can I expect other people to look past the weight when I certainly can't.

Like many obese people I have considered weight loss surgery but since I am healthy it seems like an unnecessary risk. So I will be doing this the old fashioned way, with diet and exercise. I don't plan to use this blog as a food diary or exercise log, though I'll be happy to answer questions about those things. I plan to use this as more of a report card and emotional safe place. It's cheaper than therapy. I hope you'll follow me as begin to take control of my life and make some drastic changes to myself inside and out .